im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
