I cockslap morals
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
