Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
