This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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