I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
