she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
