what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
