I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Congratulations! We have a period
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
