walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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