Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
