Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
