one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
