Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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