Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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