i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
