the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
