I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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