how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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