So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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