i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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