She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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