dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
