I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
