Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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