I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
