Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
