Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
