and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The air was thick with penises
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
