His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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