Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
