you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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