This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
