I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
