I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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