I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
