Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
