i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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