3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
