The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
