It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
