I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
