He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
