When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
