there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
