Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
