i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
