Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
