I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
