I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
