dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
