I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
