i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
