I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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