Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
